I first became strongly attracted to practicing Self-Care and exploring the concept with clients when working with survivors of Domestic Violence (DV) during my internship. I define Self-Care as a form of putting oneself first. I don’t believe this is a bad thing. Selfishness, when tempered with a self-awareness of keeping it in balance with one’s other responsibilities, is not a bad thing. The (mostly female) survivors of DV I met had been through such horrendous bullshit from their abusers. The first thing we would work on together would be Safety Planning. Physical safety, emotional safety, financial, institutional even… and then we would gravitate towards Self-Care as we did the difficult work of unpacking and healing from trauma.
When I think of self-care, I think of more than lighting nice smelling candles and going for a spa day. I’d argue that it’s more than getting a manicure. I think Self-Care is being in tune with one’s interior world. I think it’s the courage to call in sick when one needs to and saying no, without feeling guilty about it. There are many societal pressures on women to reject their own needs and instead tend to the feelings and needs of others. I use a feminist lens when practicing therapy. I am happy to do the work of assertiveness training with clients.
Prioritizing your own happiness and well-being (going for that sunny day bike ride, choosing healthy food & herbal tea or curling up in bed to rest & read a favorite novel)- allows yourself the ability to re-charge and check-in with your wants and needs. As my clients re-gained their power, took care of themselves, and processed their trauma through talk therapy, they strengthened their ability to detect ways others were taking advantage of them. Self-Love allowed them to set limits, to say no and to honor their intuition when something felt “off.” Self-Care allows one the strength to reject abuse. What are the ways you show yourself Love and Care?
