The holiday season is here, Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa and New Year’s specifically. This is a time of year that can be very difficult on one’s mental health. Every November into December, I notice that I have an uptick in clients coming to see me for depression, grief that loved ones have passed away, feelings of being overwhelmed and complaints that they themselves are not “good enough.” They’re in pain because they believe what they do for their families for Christmas isn’t “good enough.”
With the flood of Christmas movies depicting happy, perfect-looking families, commercials spreading the notion that to have more material things (trucks and cars, it seems!) means success & happiness and saccharine songs about how jolly everyone should be right now, it’s no wonder that those of us without these things/experiences might find ourselves down in the dumps! That’s not even mentioning FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) potentially created when folks post pictures on social media of their engagement rings, boozy parties and the onslaught of holiday cards with grinning families in matching outfits.
I think it’s important to recognize a few aspects of this time of year which might help to put things into a more balanced perspective. First, the days are extremely short right now. Winter Solstice, the day of the year with the least amount of sunlight, was on December 22nd. Not getting enough sunlight, and therefore being deficient in Vitamin D, is enough to bring SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) down upon any of us! To combat this, please try to get some Winter walks into your daily schedule. Open up your blinds, invest in a “Happy Light” (one of those therapy lamps that provides supplemental full spectrum light to help users feel more focused, relaxed and overall happier), take your dog for an extra walk, do whatever it takes to obtain light!
Secondly, please STOP making comparisons between yourself and “other people.” So many times I hear clients lament that “other people” have it better. These “other people” have happier families, better houses, more wealth, better health- please STOP this type of emotional, irrational thinking! It’s rooted in nonsense because all of us humans are suffering in some way or will suffer at some point in our lives. As Eastern philosophy teaches us, that is the nature of existence. The “other people” are not blissfully happy.
Western psychological philosophy teaches us that we actually have quite a bit of control over our thought processes and therefore over our emotional responses. Something that can help when we are becoming overwhelmed by negative thoughts and unhelpful, unrealistic comparisons is the DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) STOP technique.
S- Stop what you are doing. Don’t just react. Freeze for a moment. Don’t let your emotions make you act out in way you later regret.
T- Take a Deep Breath. Take a Break. Practice some more Deep Breathing during this Break. Take your Time. Take more Deep Breaths, let your exhalations be longer than your inhalations.
O- Observe. What is going on inside and outside of you? Observe this mindfully. What are others doing and saying? What are your thoughts and feelings?
P- Proceed with awareness. When deciding what to do, consider your thoughts and feelings and other people’s thoughts and feelings. Which actions will make the situation better? Which would make it worse?
Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, I’d encourage you to practice gratitude for what you do possess. Are you reading this blog article on a cell phone or computer right now? That’s an incredible tool you have, along with the gift of literacy. Offer a grateful thought to your mother or teacher who helped you learn to read. If money is causing you stress this season (as it does for many of us in our capitalistic society), what are ways you can show love to others without spending much/any money? What would volunteering at a soup kitchen feel like for your soul? Is going to your place of worship to listen to the sermon an option? What about taking some of your SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) benefits and buying ingredients to bake cookies with your family? What level of warmth and gratitude would hosting a potluck bring up for you? Decorate your tree or living space to show that part of you rejoices, that you deserve beauty, even if you’re not feeling it right now.
I encourage clients battling depression to engage in Opposite Action- doing the opposite of what they feel like doing. Feel like laying in bed all day, moping in non-motivated sadness? NO! Get up. Make yourself some coffee the way you like it! Even better, go down to the neighborhood coffee shop and make friends with the barista. Catch an open mic night. Honor your grief over loved ones that are no longer here. Cry, scream into a pillow, allow yourself to be fully human and growing. But, then please get back out there like they would want you to do and please STOP making up comparisons!
